neurogod

I am alive. I know some of you were wondering, but there it is. If you know me well then you know I go through my little phases of withdrawing from everyone around me, which hopefully I may soon emerge. I'm in school, staying with mum and dad, and doing ok, as I hope all you are.

I feel like I have this huge weight on my chest that is just getting heavier and heavier. I love all my friends both the very old ones and the new ones that have graciously accepted me and made me a part of their lives the last few months. If I have done anything or said anything to hurt any of you then I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. If you know me at all then you know that the people in my life--family and friends--are by far the most important and come before all else. The idea of somehow hurting someone I care about through words or actions whether intentional or unintentional is almost more than I can stand. I want you all to be happy more than I can say. I'm sorry.

Although of course I would much rather have been able to attend THE Jesse D show tonight I couldn't, so I had to make do with a lecture from the DALAI LAMA. I'm sorry I know I'm a geek, but it was so cool and actually really interesting. His english isn't amazing but he's still very articulate and surprisingly very funny. He covered serveral topics but basically started with his early life and how he got interested in Science, how they compliment each other (religion and science), and the relevance to Neuroscience. Oh and he giggles...yes I swear it's true. The Dalai Lama giggles.

A few choice quotes include:
"My brain is not designed for dealing with computers"
"I'm a rebellious Buddhist!"
and apparently "Scientific instruments do not show affection" so after a day in the lab we're all supposed to come home to our husbands and wives and get a little "affection".

He also talked about how if a way to remove those parts of the brain or feelings/emotions of anger, jealousy, and hatred then "I will be the first patient." He said that everyone should be excited about such a breakthrough and when asked about whether people should theoretically be able to choose to remain hatful, etc. he said "You cannot force someone, but you would explain the pros and cons and if they had any common sense then they would choose to. However some arrogant people require a little force but with good intention.

When he was questioned about animal research and the ethics of it he said that animals should be treated with compassion, but then he pointed out that he was not a vegetarian and came out on the side of animal research when it benefits the multitude and pain is minimized. I know some of you are against it, but for fucks sake we're trying to save your lives!

Anyway I'm having fun with my sugar daddy and I've been meeting up with a lot of former colleagues from my many years of university jumping from uwo, acadia, laurentian, and dal. Tomorrow I get to meet Eric Kandel who won a nobel prize in medicine and I'm stoked and yes I know I'm a nerd. My dad looked around the conference today and indicated that he thought we were among the cooler of the geeky academics, which was cute.

Alice thank you for driving me to the airport you totally rock my world and Donald Hebb has already come up in two of the lectures I attended today. TEE HEE k gotta rest my brain so I can fill it with more goodies tomorrow.

Why is it these days that when you lose someone, you're supposed to STRONG. You're supposed to maybe cry a bit, go to the funeral, and be fine. Move on with your life as if nothing is different. It doesn't matter that there's a hole created by the person that you've loved and lost. Why do they say that "they" wouldn't want you to be sad. How do you fucking know what "they" would want. Why is it so wrong to feel? Do I understand that it is selfish to want someone to hold on when they no longer have any quality of life, of course. But that doesn't mean that is doesn't fucking hurt. I can handle physical pain, but please don't take the people I love. Please.